I have Cerebral Palsy...For me this means I am unable to walk and that I need some support with all aspect of daily living...Does it mean I'm undateable? Of course not but according to channel 4s programme 'The Undateables' that's what disabled people are.
I have never watched a full episode of this programme because it frustrates me and makes me angry. I've only ever caught the beginning or end of it when I've been channel flicking but those few moments are enough to reinforce those feelings. I know that people who watch the programme will probably think 'aww that lovely' and for some it may be a way of meeting someone special but in my opinion with a title like 'The Undateables' this programme and others like it just categorise disabled people more by illustrating a view that disabled people are 'undateable', Another more recent programme that takes a similar approach is 'Love on the Spectrum' which is on Netflix. As this title indicates this programme focuses on young people on the autistic spectrum in their quest to find love. I did watch all episodes of this series last weekend prior to writing this blog and filming a vlog earlier in this week focusing on the same topic. Was Netflix approach to the topic of disabled people finding love any better that channel 4s...unfortunately not (in my opinion anyway)
I just don't and will never understand the view that all people on the autism spectrum must date another person on the spectrum....so i have CP...obviously i need to find a man with CP to be in a relationship with....Its like saying you have black hair and glasses so you'll will only get on with and have friendships/ relationships with those with black hair and glasses...Putting it in that context it sounds ridiculous doesn't it? Well this is often the type of approach taken by people, even those closest to disabled people in terms of them forming relationships and friendships. I don't have friends just because they have CP. I know some really lovely people who have CP and other disabilities and i know some people with CP and other disabilities who are not very nice. Its nothing to do with their disability, its just who they are as people. The same goes for non-disabled people...i would rather mix with nice people regardless of whether they have a disability or not. There are many groups and club where disabled people can go and mix with other disabled people and i totally understand that for many this works, helping build confidence etc but for me I'd rather go to the pub. (before covid19 anyway)
I had the usual childhood 'boyfriends' growing up. However my first and only serious relationship to date was in my mid teens and lasted for 3 and a half years. Graham and i met at school. Ashcraig, at that time was the only special school in Scotland that followed the mainstream curriculum (i hate the term special school) Anyway it had pupils with predominately a physical disability and that's where Graham and i met. Graham had a progressive disability and sadly passed away at the age of 21. i wouldn't change the time we spent together for the world. We had the support of our parents in the sense that they would drop us off at each others houses (like all parents do when they have teenagers) but they never interfered in our relationship, our relationship was our relationship and our parents didn't view this differently because of our disabilities
Fast forward 16 years and I'm still single. i have had other relationships but nothing to write home about. Would I have a relationship with another disabled man?...of course I would but only if we got on as people and had things in common...Equally there's nothing to stop me meeting a non- disabled partner. It's society and media portrayals of disability that influence this in my opinion. That said there are disabled and non-disabled people who are in relationships and the fact that one of them has a disability doesn't matter. Their partner loves them for who they are. That gives me hope that maybe one day i can meet a partner who doesn't have a disability
Online dating isn't for me either. I've had a brief go at it. if people were just chatting it'd be fine but I'm not interested in people wanting to send inappropriate photos of themselves to a complete stranger. you wouldn't expose yourself if you got chatting to a potential date in the pub so why is it acceptable to do it online. There is also programmes on tv like First Dates but as far as i know there has been no disabled people on there. We have just to go on programmes like the undateables. Equally there has been no non-disabled people on the undateables.
Food for thought i think... I don't know if or when i will be in a new relationship again, who with or if they will have a disability but what i do know is if/when it happens it will be with someone i choose, not with someone chosen for me because society and the media deem disabled people to be undateable