The Year 2020 - Looking Back

The year 2020 started "normally"...…. I am one of those annoying people that have a birthday straight after Christmas (4th of January). I usually hate when my birthday is for that very reason but looking back now I was one of the fortunate ones who was still able to go out and celebrate their birthday this year. If I remember correctly I did so with dinner and a pantomime (oh no I didn't, oh yes I did!).

The rest of January through to March 2020 is a bit of a blur as I try and reflect on it now. I was continuing to work and build my business and somewhere in the middle of that the word "Covid-19" appeared. If I am honest I was really naïve probably up until around a fortnight before the first lockdown and though "yeah Corona we are fine it is happening in china" it's only on T.V. How wrong was I?! I do remember that my last proper night out before the pandemic was on the 7th of March and it was to a fundraising ball where I was dressed up to the nines complete with a ball gown (well if it was going to be my last one may as well do it in style) although I didn't know it then that we would be nearly a year on and I haven't had a night out since.

Professionally, prior to lockdown I had not long moved in to my office space which I had waited a long time for. On reflection and knowing what I know now Y.O.U and I were kind of stuck in terms of business development and where I wanted to take the business. My naivety plays a big part here as I thought I had the right support and that the people around me at the time understood me, but they didn't. I think deep down I knew this, I just didn't know how to change it....

I am not sure if I always believed in the whole concept that things happen for a reason, but I think they definitely did this year. Shortly before lockdown my local authority connected me with some business development support that has been the best thing for Y.O.U and I. Without this lockdown would have been a completely different experience for me (I dread to think about) and I wouldn't have a business to take into 2021. So this is one of the very few times I have been grateful from the support from my local authority. Like many businesses I was very unsure what route my business could or would go down during the pandemic. Arguably my worry was doubled as a result of being classed as high risk if I caught the virus due to my disability. Somewhere in my head I had the concern of would I be able to work whilst being stuck at home. If I am honest a contributing factor to this was probably because up until the world shut down I was regularly at events with the aim of building the business profile. Therefore, I couldn't see a way round this at first as the world came to a stand still.

How wrong was I...… again..... but this time I am glad to be wrong. Over the last 10 months I have been busier than ever business wise. I feel really bad for saying that and if you are reading this please do not be mistaken, despite being busy this time has been challenging for me in other ways. I learnt a harsh lesson during lockdown. This was that although my previous business support had got Y.O.U and I to point which I will always be grateful for, they aren't who I need in my life now. That said the outcome and the relationships could have remained more positive and amicable than they are now, but that is through no fault of mine. I have learned that people who I thought I knew and who supported Y.O.U and I never really knew me or what I wanted for my business at all. Furthermore, and I think this is the hardest pill to swallow, Y.O.U and I were only important to them when we were making them look good and when they felt they could take credit for what we were achieving. In short assumptions were made without even checking in with me to see how I was doing during lockdown or what support my business needed.

Fortunately for Y.O.U and I we had the right people in my life by this point who have been able to support me through the challenges of the last few months and who now know me,"Danielle" the person behind Y.O.U and these are relationships I have built and continue to build on my terms. The digital world that we now live in has opened up several opportunities to Y.O.U and I including a regular slot on one of our partner organisations YouTube Channel called "Being Danielle". In this slot I share my personal experiences of living with a disability and the challenges this brings as well as my points of view on multiple areas in the hope that it connects with other disabled people, their families and other organisations who support these groups. I am also now slowly building the confidence and knowledge to explore other areas I would not previously have thought about or had the right support to think about such as product development.... so watch this space for what happens for Y.O.U and I in 2021. The Avatar logo which I am sure you have all seen by now scarily resembles me quite well and will hopefully be associated with different areas in the months to come.

On a personal level the challenging times we are now living in have been more challenging for me than I let people know. During the first lockdown I didn't see my Dad or his partner for 10 weeks. I still haven't seen my brother since the 17th of March 2020 two days before his 40th birthday. I visit my Dad as restrictions allow, taking support staff with me to allow social distancing when required. I am very aware that my Dad is also in a high risk category and I have support staff around me who also support other people , therefore I don't want to put him more at risk. My brother did ask me just before the pandemic if I would consider going back to live with my Dad. This might sound bad and I know of other disabled people who have chosen to move back home and reduce their support from outside providers but I hadn't even considered this as an option. I find being back in my hometown challenging for various reasons which I am not going to go in to and even though we would have been in lockdown I couldn't contemplate being there for any length of time.

I also would be unable to work from home if I was living at my Dads or to continue to have support from the PA's that I employ. All of which is helping me stay sane in these challenging times. I have to think of my own mental health as well as what's best for my Dad. For anyone that knows me or has read any of my previous Blogs you will also know that I have previously lived in a residential environment including a nursing home. As Covid-19 has spread and gripped the lives of many in these environments, I have also reflected that I am so glad I no longer live in such an environment. With visitors not being allowed I would have really struggled if I had still been in these types of environments.

As 2021 is fast approaching how do I sum up this year (politely)…. challenging, unexpected, emotional (and that's only 3 of the words I could use). What do I think 2021 will bring? More challenges in relation to the pandemic before we are through it is a certainty in my view. For me on a personal level I hope I am able to reflect on what I have written and grow in confidence whilst still supporting those closest to me. For Y.O.U I hope I am able to continue on this positive journey with the right support and become more sustainable as a business. One thing I know for sure although there are many uncertainties as we move into the New Year Y.O.U is definitely in a better place than it was this time last year.